Humor – TrackResults

U.S. & Chinese Tariff War Impacts Timeshare Sales

Orlando, FL May 16, 2019 – Anonymous sources in the United States Commerce Department report that both China and the United States are adding tariffs to all timeshare sales. A source close to the timeshare industry, is swiftly moving to lobby against the aforementioned tariffs. The issue at hand is the staggering impact of the current Trade War and its resulting tariffs on timeshare sales in the U.S.

U.S. based timeshare companies if initiated changes in operations to classify Chinese citizens as “Not Qualified” to tour. Seen as an act of war, the Chinese Consulate has already vowed to retaliate in the same way – cutting off access to the Hidden Kingdom to at least 5 or 6 adventurous families. Timeshare industry executives at a recent President’s Club sales retreat unanimously agreed that this is a “War of Qualifications” and will certainly cause tour counts in popular U.S. destinations such as Las Vegas and Orlando to drop by “busloads.”

NOTE: While this story may be intended as an attempt at humor…We can confirm that TrackResults specializes in the analytical perspectives leading executives want in any kind of War! We can also confirm that a “busload” is easy to identify, quantify, slice, dice, and analyze in TrackResults…within seconds.

May 16, 2019/by Madeline Fitzgerald

Humor

TrackResults Identifies New KPI To Determine How Siblings Rank

We all know mothers never pick favorites, but what if they secretly do? We also know any gift a mother receives is perfect, but what if it secretly isn’t? Well, TrackResults has created the KPI to prove it. This Mother’s Day TrackResults wants to give every family the gift they never knew they were missing; finally a way to remove any ambiguity from who Mom’s favorite child is. The Favorite Child Score (FCS*) provides transparency to the whole family. Now everyone can enjoy Mother’s Day without worrying about “who’s the favorite” or “who spent the most!” Being confident in knowing what drives a mother’s ranking is what this score is all about! Our goal with this KPI is simple, to make sure Mom gets a say in what truly is the perfect Mother’s Day gift.

Moms Click Here to Vote for the Mother’s Day gift that will help your kids get a higher FCS*

Kids Click Here to Vote and tell us what gift you’re going to get Mom, and see if it would have boosted your FCS*

TrackResults knows you care about these ranking. We want to leave you with enough time to make any necessary orders to ensure top billing. FCS* findings which will be reported in an email Thursday Morning so there is ample time to make any last minute applicable gift additions.

* FCS is by no means a Trademark of TrackResults, nor do they want to take credit for such a shallow number. Either way, cast a vote and let’s have some fun for Mother’s Day! Who knows, maybe your Mom will love you more…or maybe Mom will get the gift she truly wants.

May 7, 2019/by Madeline Fitzgerald

Humor

Congress Hires TrackResults as Redaction Investigation Tool

April 25, 2019, Washington D.C. – Following the public release of the redacted Mueller Report, congress has awarded a commission based contract to TrackResults in an effort to combat a dreaded redaction wave from spreading to the private sector.

Statement from Congressional Leaders, “TrackResults wanted this to be a commission based deal, as they know how much upside there was on analyzing data. We awarded them $1,000,000.00 just for their research, but they sold us on the fact that commission was a win-win!”

TrackResults immediately sprung into action by polling hundreds of clients on reports submitted by their teams prior to their adoption of the popular business intelligence tool. Findings include, but are not limited to: rampant redaction, missing information, and worse still, clear evidence of collusion by sales managers looking to inflate numbers.

Excerpt from TrackResults’ findings: Vice President of Sales, Lineis Black, had a feeling reports were affected and the evidence proved redaction in all submitted sales reports. Using TrackResults, the VP found that numbers previously reported to him by his sales managers were clearly doctored. VP Lineis Black states, “had I been using TrackResults this could’ve saved me not only money, but time.”

TrackResults doesn’t let redaction slide. Don’t be like pre-TrackResults Lineis Black, get TrackResults today.

NOTE: While this investigation of #TRRedactionInvestigation2019 DIDN’T actually use TrackResults…marketing & sales professionals DO use TrackResults to insure transparency in performance reporting.